Confidence
by Quintessence88
Summary: "You should consider it a small price to pay for publicly branding me a cuckhold. I so look forward to you resuming your wifely duties, dear" Conrad and Victoria started a purely physical relationship... how things will go?
1. Chapter 1

**I didn't know what name to give to this one-shot so I went for the episode's title… enjoy & review! Thanks**

"Ms. Fisk my apologies if today's events ruined our interview" Victoria said

"Actually," the journalist smiled "Conrad just made up for it by offering me an exclusive on your upcoming wedding"

Victoria raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm sorry if I spilled the proverbial beans, my pet. I mean, I just… got caught up in the whole… _affair_"

His reference didn't go unnoticed, he was enjoying the moment, oh he was doing so much.

"And Tuscany?" the woman added "An exquisite place to honeymoon, I'd expect nothing less. Thank you both, goodnight"

Victoria flashed one of her beautiful fake smiles waiting for the journalist to go.

"Goodnight"

If a look could kill, Conrad would have been dead the same exact moment. What the hell was he thinking?

"You should consider it a small price to pay for publicly branding me a cuckhold. I _so_ look forward to you resuming your wifely duties, dear"

**Later that night…**

Conrad brushed his hand along her leg enjoying the softness of her skin.

"Let's get this over, shall we?"

"You're ruining the mood dear"

His mocking tone was so annoying and she didn't want to give him the idea she might enjoy the moment because she wasn… as soon as his fingers entered her she had to stifle a moan biting her lip.

"You're so wet, my pet and you didn't even want us to have some _fun_ tonight…"

"Stop it Conrad, I'm ready"

He stood up unbuckling his belt and removing pants, boxer and socks, his erection sprung free and he looked at her hungrily and yet so coldly. He crawled on bed opening her legs and positioning himself, in a swift motion he was inside her and started thrusting hard.

"Did you really have to screw me in front of the world today?" anger seeped into his voice

"Charlotte broke into my room mad and told the journalist to be David's daughter… I had to make things right"

"For who? For you? Of course, you couldn't appear to be less than _what you are_…"

She laughed bitterly "Are you insulting me while you are still inside of me?"

He pinned her hands above her head "Would you mind? You invited _that bastard_ into our bed!"

"Oh and it's so different from what you did with Lydia… and she was my best friend!" she hissed

"I didn't impregnate her!"

"You could have!"

They looked at each other deeply, no one dared to break the eye contact and the only sound in the room was the flesh slapping, her hips bucking against his almost against her own will. He had that sneer on his face because he knew from her ragged breaths that she was close and was holding out against her pressing orgasm…

"I despise you!" she said digging her fingernails into his back

"The feeling is mutual"

As soon as he felt her tighten around him, he spilled inside her and she closed her eyes biting her lip while the pleasure overcame her. Conrad climbed off her without even glancing at her and started redressing.

"You can be happy now, you got your little seedy fuck"

"Oh believe me Victoria, it was everything but pleasurable"

Victoria flinched a little, she knew he was trying to get under her skin and he succeeded, her female ego was bruised, didn't she really satisfy him? The wetness between her legs said the contrary.

"It doesn't look like that…"

"Appearances can be deceiving" he sneered

She hated him so badly. She was tempted to fall on her knees and sucked him until he begged for release just to show him _how much_ it could be pleasurable but she wouldn't, she would never give him that kind of satisfaction. Conrad finished fixing his clothes and looked at her…

"I'm sure our wedding will be spectacular. Sleep well dear"

He left the room and Victoria poured herself a drink heading to her cupola. She sipped her scotch thinking of what just happened with him… there was nothing more than empty sheets between them, not just a hint of care or affection, only hatred and contempt and yet her body still reacted to him in a way she couldn't explain herself, it was as if her mind couldn't control it, as if mind and body went to different directions.

She sighed, they'd have gotten married soon and she'd have imprisoned herself again in that golden cage that was their marriage, a charade they kept perpetuating. Would it be like that from now on? Her opening her legs for him, for one of those meaningless angry intercourses that didn't make any of them feel good, maybe did their bodies but it wasn't enough. Long time ago she felt something for that man, she even believed she loved him, how could they have reached that point?

She refilled her glass, another round was what she really needed to push away the ghosts of past and present and allow herself a full night of rest in a cold and empty bed like her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**It was supposed to be a one-shot but you asked me to give it another shot and add one last chapter so here I am… enjoy!**

Victoria's pride was still hurt from Conrad's comment the previous night. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, who cared of what he thought? And yet nothing could stop her from thinking there was so much more hidden behind his words as if he was subtly comparing her to Lydia or all the nameless sluts he slept with and she couldn't stand it, no she couldn't! Her insecurities about growing old and her body changing were playing with her mind, was it possible that Conrad tricked her into thinking about that? No, he wasn't _that_ smart. She smiled bitterly shaking her head, he was referring to something else, to her icy part, _the Ice Queen_ as he called her: she had always known that Conrad was a passionate man and not only because he indulged with sex very often but after David Clarke's fiasco she only showed him her ice as a punishment for both their sins. Like it or not, Victoria couldn't deny the adrenaline and the chemistry of being taken by him while they were fighting… the sex might have been empty but it was also great. He still remembered how and where to touch her, how she liked it most and even if he was furious at her he had the work done.

Victoria blushed, no one could see her but she was embarrassed anyway and she shouldn't have been after all he was her husband or was about to be again soon.

She still couldn't get over what he told her after their intercourse and she was determined to make him eat his own words…

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Conrad said raising his head from paperwork welcoming Victoria in his study.

"Pleasure? Apparently not me"

Her reference was so clear and he laughed loudly

"Oh dear don't be upset, it's not your fault after all"

She poured herself a scotch and drunk slowly, a devious smile appeared on the edge of the glass.

"I know that look Victoria"

"Do you?" she challenged him

"What do you want?"

"I don't kiss and tell"

"Convenient"

She went around the desk and hopped on it, the hem of her red dress lifted dangerously high and Conrad couldn't prevent himself from staring.  
>"See something you like?"<p>

"My dear, you are a sight for sore eyes"

It was Victoria's turn to laugh. She was used to him complimenting her but that was far too much especially in their current situation.

"I'm a not a fool Victoria, you came here showing your assets this way… What's the matter? Do you want another _ride_? Maybe you liked it too much last night"

"Funny, very funny and also so generous of you considering you didn't like it" she smiled sipping her scotch

"So this is about that? Me admitting that it's not true?" he sneered

"Oh I'd never doubt your words _honey_"

He looked at her dumbfounded. A term of endearment from Victoria? He had only heard it rare times in front of cameras.

She downed her liquor but a drop escaped from her lips slipping down her neck and before realizing what mistake he was making, Conrad stoop up from his chair and kissed it away. He just touched her skin for a second then pulled away locking his eyes with hers, they were barely inches from each other and he could feel her breathing slightly changing… God, he wanted her! Yes, he wanted to take her on that desk right now and… Victoria jumped off the desk and pushed him on the chair, her tiny hands working on his belt and freeing him from his confines. She licked her red lips before taking him slowly in her mouth, Conrad closed his eyes and groaned, she never stopped looking at him bobbing her head up and down on his shaft: she was on her knees but she never felt more powerful in her life watching his dilated pupils, his opened mouth and hearing the way he moaned her name. It'd have been so easy sending him over the edge right now but she was selfish so pulled away, Conrad was about to speak when she hiked up her dress and impaled herself on him. And she rode him, oh she did like her next breath depended on it, because proving him wrong was more important than her own impending orgasm. He slightly changed the angle pushing her hips harder against his. she started shuddering welcoming the best climax of her life and Conrad simply followed her lead.

Afterwards she climbed off him straightening her dress, Conrad was still catching his breath and trying to get what the hell has just happened when she flashed him one of her incredible smiles.

"I think you should google the meaning of _pleasurable_ Conrad, because I just rewrote it"

And she turned on her heels to leave the room but stopped at the door…

"Oh and you're welcome, _dear_…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews guys! I wanted to add only the last chapter but it seems you want me to continue this ff… I don't have any intention to copy other stories, I had this idea in mind for weeks so even if it might seem similar to others, I swear it'll take a completely different road. Enjoy & review! **

Since that night in Conrad's study the intercourses between Conrad and Victoria became more frequent.

There was no need of words or permissions, they couldn't get hands off each other and chose to satisfy their primal needs without too much thinking or regrets, love or care weren't in the picture, no cuddles or any signs of affection were included either.

Victoria let herself enjoy that silent agreement she had with her husband – yes, because in the meantime they remarried – they both got what they wanted without any concerns or misunderstandings but day after day sex became more intense and deep, the connection their shared was so unique: in a blink something so pleasurable was bringing troubles. One night when watching him redress she felt she didn't want him to leave but she blocked the thought even before formulating it in her mind because what they had was _just sex_, their relationship was purely physical so why? Why did she feel that way? At the beginning she was relieved to watch him disappear from her sight after the act but now every time he spilled his pleasure inside her and left without a word she felt bad, _used_, full and empty at the same time. It was true, she had wanted it too, but not that way, not anymore.

Once she had read that according to certain scientists, whenever a woman has sex, her body produces a chemical which causes her to emotionally attach. So was that her problem? Was she feeling _emotionally_ attached to him? Was it possible to love and hate a person at the same time? She was Victoria Grayson and she forbade herself from feeling anything but disdain for her husband! She rolled her eyes, it must have been that chemical's fault! Denial, pure denial… it had always suited her and she was no different this time.

"Do you have plans for today?" Victoria asked casually while fixing her hair in front of the mirror

He looked at her dumbfounded, since when was she interested in what he did?

"No, I don't have any plans. I think I'll be in my study the whole noon. Why?"

"Nothing," she tried to be more nonchalant as possible "I was just asking"

Conrad approached her from behind "You never ask, so why today?"

"I told you Conrad, it was just a simple question but if it bothers you so much I won't do it anymore" she said defensively

"Fine" he raised his hands in defeat "As you want"

He left the room and she sighed. Was it possible they couldn't have a normal conversation without arguing? The only moments when they didn't fight was when… she closed her eyes exhaling, yes when he was screwing her without a hint of emotion like minutes ago. How could she let herself be dragged into _whatever that was_?What happened to be just a simple sexual relationship was turning into something she hasn't predicted and Victoria hated not to be in control of situations or herself.

She needed to clear her head and after their quickie she also needed some distance, to be far from Conrad because if she stayed she'd have never be able to tell him "no" the next time he came to her for sex. She couldn't believe she became one of those women she always scorned, the ones who couldn't keep their legs closed when a "certain" man was involved. A tear slipped down her eye and brushed it away packing her bags, she also left him a note that she knew he wouldn't have bothered to read until her absence at dinner was noticed… he only looked for her when he wanted her but not really _her_, just her body. She took her car keys and left Grayson Manor behind her back.

…

Conrad heard the car leaving and he simply thought Victoria was out for some shopping but hours later when she hasn't still come back he started to worry. She didn't answer any of his calls so he went to her bedroom to see if she left her phone at home and that was when he saw the note.

_I'm staying at the South Fork Inn for few days. Please don't call me. _

He stared at the paper dumbfounded. In 26 years Victoria never felt the need to leave the comfort of her beautiful home to go to the hotel, she kicked him out several times but it was never her the one who left.

He didn't understand, what happened? He headed to her dressing room noticing many of her dresses and shoes were missing like other items she brought with her. They had sex in there just few hours before and everything seemed normal, he brushed his hand on the gray marble dresser reliving the way she laid on it with the upper body while he took her from behind… oh and it was so amazing!

He grabbed one of her robes bringing to his nose and closed his eyes, her perfume had the power to go him haywire, God he wanted her so badly again, he couldn't get tired of her, of being inside her, he needed her like a man needed water in the desert, she was his mirage, his oasis and he had to get her back.

**At the South Fork Inn…**

Victoria has spent the whole noon at the hotel spa, there was anything better than pampering her body when the mind was so full of thoughts. No matter how relaxing or good was what they were doing to her she couldn't stop thinking of Conrad, she imagined him in his study too busy to notice her absence or simply to think of her.

She just got back from the spa wearing one of those fluffy white bathrobes when someone knocked at the door.

"Why aren't you answering my calls?" Conrad broke into the room without asking for permission

"I thought I made myself clear, I told you not to call me"

"Why? What the hell happened for you to leave our house without even telling me?"

"I left you a note"

"A note? I'm not part of your hiring help in case you forgot"

"No Conrad, I didn't forget you're my _husband_"

They stared at each other for a moment close enough to start a war but her words broke the silence

"Now if you're finished I'd like to go changing and…"

"You don't dismiss me!" he yelled  
>"You don't control me!" she yelled in return<p>

Their angry faces were so close and suddenly all the rage and annoyance disappeared when he claimed her lips pushing her against the wall. His tongue sneaked in her mouth and his hands were everywhere roaming on her gorgeous body teasing her nipples, her skin was so soft and he just wanted to taste every inch of it but that wasn't the right moment. He let his fingers brush her abdomen and head down to their final destination, she moaned in his ear giving him goosebumps, her hand tried to sneak into his pants but he stopped her wrapping her legs around his waist carrying her to the couch. Victoria panted and untied the bathrobe's tie laying naked for him, she smirked at his expression: no matter how many time he saw her naked he was still stunned, amazed by her beauty. He took his jacket off and unbuckled his pants, in an instant he was claiming her again.

"Admit it, you can't stay without this" he grunted

"_You_ can't stay without this"

"You seemed pretty eager to get what you wanted few minutes ago"

"It was you who came to me for sex" she bit his earlobe "As always"

He pushed into her hard "You never complained"

"I won't until you do the work"

"So I'm your sex slave now?" he chuckled

"You wish!" she smirked

"You're mine Victoria" he grabbed her hips driving himself deeper

"Oh…" she moaned looking him straight in the eyes "I don't belong to anybody"

"But there's me in you now"  
>"Thank your lucky star!"<p>

"Why did leave home?" he pressed

"It's none of your business!"

"It is, you're my wife!"

"Just my luck"

He bit his nipple causing a whimper to escape her lips

"You won't take it out of me with sex torture"

"Maybe I should try" he challenged her

"Or maybe you should just shut up and fuck me"

He suddenly pulled out

"What the hell are you doin…"

He grabbed her forcing her to bend over the couch's arm and entered her from behind, this time Victoria couldn't contain a moan.

"You want me to fuck you properly? Then take it all!"

Victoria closed her eyes feeling him slam into her repeatedly, God it was so good, she secretly loved to be take that way but she wouldn't tell him of course, she didn't want him to know he could give her so much pleasure doing exactly what he usually did. He kept thrusting until she tightened around him, her body convulsing and he finally let go.

Victoria caught her breath then went collecting her bathrobe from the floor to cover her nakedness. She didn't know why but staying naked after sex made her feel vulnerable, she needed a fabric armor before facing him again. Conrad fixed his pants and was now ready to leave, he looked at her waiting…

"So?"

"So what? I'm not coming back home with you"

"Why?"

"Did you think I came here because I was so bothered to take a little trip to the South Fork Inn?"

"I don't know, you didn't want to tell me why"

"I need some space, some distance…"

"From me? What did I do?"

"You did nothing. I just need to figure out what I want"

"I thought you wanted this"

"I thought that too"

"What's changed?"

She swallowed _I think I'm falling in love with you_ "I don't know, it's why I need to understand"

"Are you slipping through my fingers again?" he barely whispered

"You never kept me in your hands Conrad"

"What does it mean?"

"Nothing, it means nothing"

He tried to speak but she cut him off talking on "I'm staying here for few days so please, respect my will and keep your distance"

"As you wish. Goodbye Victoria"

He left without looking back and Victoria's heart broke in millions of tiny pieces.


	4. Chapter 4

Two days. 14 hours. 30 minutes. And no words from Victoria and it was driving Conrad insane because… yes, he was addicted to her. He got used to have her every time he wanted no matter what, sometimes he just pushed her panties aside without bothering to undress her and had his way with her but now almost three days passed without her, without her soft lips, her gorgeous sinful body. He tried to relieve the tension jerking himself off most often than what he was used to but it wasn't the same, he needed her and the abstinence was bringing him to his knees. Was what she wanted by chance? Him crawling at her feet begging? He hated to be so weak, a weakness she used to her advantage because she knew to have such a power on him, she could control him with a wiggle of her hips, oh and _her ass_… M rated thoughts appeared in his mind about her backside and all the things he'd have liked to do with it. He got hard again and it was the second time that morning, he couldn't live that way! He was ready to go to the South Fork Inn and offered her whatever she wanted to go back to him and to their _sex_ _routine_, he was ready to humiliate himself he thought lowering his zipper and started pumping himself…

* * *

><p>Victoria had a lot to think about during those lonely days. She tried to focus entirely on herself because luckily there were no events to organize, no charities or teas, she didn't have to worry about the kids or to run the house, it was just herself like 25 years before. She kept herself busy going shopping, having lunch out or visiting art galleries but what she enjoyed the most was relaxing in bed until late in the morning without the need of scolding herself.<p>

Conrad's thought seemed not to leave her mind, she missed him, she missed being intimate with him but she knew the separation was necessary, she gave in to him the last time they met when she shouldn't have but he was there angry and sexy as hell looking at her in a way that made her legs buckle. Yes, her husband was sexy but she'd never admit it out loud, he aged well, something she appreciated very much, almost as much as his stamina…

Maybe she was admonishing herself too much, she was his wife after all and sex was part of her _wifely duties_ as he called them, it shouldn't be a big deal but it was because she wanted _more_ and she wasn't sure he could give it to her or even wanted it. Conrad only wanted to have her, to possess her physically and materially as she was some kind of trophy he could flaunt, it was what he did for all those years and wouldn't have stopped now but she didn't want to be appreciated only for her appearance, she wanted to be loved for who she was.

She sighed taking off her sunglasses and entered the hotel's hall, before she could reach the reception a strong hand grabbed her arm

"What…"

"It's me, I needed to see you" he whispered

Victoria's heart skipped a beat, she secretly dreamt of Conrad breaking all the rules and going to her but it was just a fantasy and having him near now was confusing her, his blue eyes, his smell, his touch… she had to leave. Conrad seemed to read her mind and dragged into the restroom locking the door.

"God, you're so beautiful"

His voice made her tremble inside, it was like a sweet sexy caress, goosebumps appeared on her skin.

"I know you want it too Victoria" he panted "It's almost three days… I can't make it anymore"

"You shouldn't be here"

"It's not what your body language is saying"

"Since when are you so attentive?

"Does it matter?"

"If you're so horny just pay one of your endless tramps Conrad"

"I want you, only you and you know that"

"Are you really playing this game?"

"It's not a game damn! Do you think I'd be here humiliating myself if I didn't want you?"

He was right but it wasn't what she wanted to hear and yet the way he craved her was intoxicating, it made her feel dizzy and inebriated. Conrad notice the slight chan ge in her posture and approached her brushing her cheek with his knuckles, his fingers ghosted on her red lips wanting nothing more than devouring them. He cut the distance and kissed her, their tongue dwelled while his hands touched every inch of skin he could reach, he was so painfully hard and just wanted take her, to relieve that tension because she was the only one who could help him. He hoisted her up on the washbowl unbuckling his belt when…

"Stop!" Victoria broke the kiss pushing him away "I told you to stop!"

Conrad froze in spot unable to believe his ears. Did she really tell him to stop? After what Victoria had been through during her childhood he backed away as if she burnt him but instead of seeing relief in her eyes he saw hurt, the same hurt expression mirrored on his face. Victoria was still panting completely lost in Conrad's blue eyes, she was grateful to be on the marble counter otherwise she would have fallen to the floor. She rejected him and she felt so bad, she couldn't bear to see so much regret in his gaze, the way he felt mortified by his actions even if he didn't do anything wrong. Except that he didn't know it.

"I had never wanted to force you. I'm sorry, I… I'm truly sorry"

He headed to the door but she stopped him "Wait"

"Why Victoria? So you can make me feel even worse than how I feel?"

"I…"

"Is this why you left? Is it because of something I did?"

"No, God Conrad!"

"I thought you wanted it too…" his voice was almost a whisper

"And I did, I do!"

"So why?"

Feeling so much pain in his voice was excruciating and it wasn't why she denied him sex but because he thought he unintentionally broke her the way other bastards did in the past and that was killing him.

"It's complicated. It's about me, you never forced me to do anything, I never felt that way"

"Are you sure?"

"I am"

He extended a hand to caress her face but closed it in a fist not sure if he was allowed to do it.

"I should go now"

"Conrad I…"

She didn't want him to go, she'd have liked to tell him that she didn't want to be alone anymore, that she didn't want the heat of a moment and then the cold again, that…

"I shouldn't be here, I should have respected your will"

When she rejected him she thought she had to be strong, she had to resist to another meaningless fuck but truth was she wanted him, she needed him, she needed him to erase all the emptiness she was feeling but she couldn't tell him, he wouldn't understand.

"Maybe you should have but that's not the point"

"And what is it then?"

Victoria didn't know how to reply so she just did what she thought she could do well, she fell on her knees working on his belt but he stopped her wrists…

"Stop Victoria! What are you doing?"

She laughed bitterly "Are you punishing me for before?"

"I don't know what the hell is going on here?! Five minutes ago you pushed me away making me feel as if I was raping you and now you try to give me a blowjob as if nothing happened?"

She looked at him saying nothing.

"Talk to me Victoria!"

"I don't want to talk"

"And what the hell do you want? Because I don't know what to do anymore!"

"I'm tired of being your slut"

"You are not a slut!"

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow "You came to me only for sex, you fuck me and then leave, next time hand me some one-hundred dollar bills. Isn't that the price for luxury escorts, Conrad?"

"Stop it! I never treated you that way!"

"Be honest for once in your life, I'm your wife but I'm nothing more than a prostitute to you"

"That's not true!" he yelled then sighed "What do you want from me, Victoria?"

"Nothing, I don't want nothing"

She unlocked the door and left before he could see tears streaming down her face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello guys, I'm back with a new chapter! I'm working full time until late night so I won't be able to work on the next one until Sunday… meanwhile enjoy this one & review! Thanks**

Victoria sat on the tile floor under the shower spray. Tears were mixing with the hot water falling on her but she didn't care, she didn't feel anything at all, she was numb and for what it mattered she could stay in that shower forever. Her sobs slowly turned into a silent crying, tears made her vision blurry but she didn't even bother to brush them away. Suddenly she felt again like a fifteen years old girl who thought who didn't deserve to be loved but only abused and whose fault was that? She couldn't blame Conrad for his reaction, her behavior was confusing and irrational and then it wasn't about sex, she just wanted him to love her again, to want more from her than what they had but she couldn't find the courage to tell him. She escaped to the South Fork Inn to avoid to give herself to him but she easily gave in three days before and almost did it few hours before in a public restroom: the perfect picture of incoherence. She cried again, she just wanted him to go back to her, knock down the door and bring her out of the shower but she knew Conrad wasn't coming back and maybe she lost him for good that time: a sob escaped and she silenced it with her hand shaking and crying hard.

Sex always messed things up and she knew it when she agreed to their little physical _liason_, what she didn't know or imagine was that she could want more than his body from Conrad. They despised each other for so long to be inconceivable a different outcome and yet…

A night of tears and tossing and turning couldn't even begin to describe what Victoria was going through. Every time she managed to fall asleep she woke up screaming her husband's name and fresh tears swelled in her eyes so she decided the only solution was drowning her pain into alcohol. After meeting him she was so miserable that dining wasn't even her last thought but now, with Champagne in her veins and her head so light, she suddenly realized why she got drunk so easily but instead of stopping she carried on, the _Veuve Cliquot_ was so delicious to go to waste. In her inebriated state Victoria grabbed her phone and before thinking of her actions' consequences she dialed the number.

"Hi Conrad" she purred

"Victoria! It's 3 am are you okay?" his voice full of concern

"Ohh I am more than okay" she stumbled with the bottle in her hands

"You're drunk"

She laughed "Is it a question?"

"No it's an affirmation. I'm coming to you"

"Are you? Oh my Charming Prince!"

"How much did you drink exactly?"

She looked at the bottle pouting "Almost a bottle of Veuve Cliquot"

"Shit" he whispered "And you didn't eat, did you?"

"Nope" she chuckled

"As I imagined"

Conrad kept talking to Victoria until he arrived to her suite. She opened the door laughing and giggling like a schoolgirl, her body was only covered by a thin robe that didn't leave much to the imagination… he sighed, he had years of experience to know that when Victoria was drunk she gave herself to him very easily.

"You're late, Champagne is finished but we can open the wine"

"I think you had enough alcohol for tonight. You'll have a terrible hangover tomorrow morning and if you don't want to get sick you should eat something"

"I want to eat _you_…" she licked her lips running her hands on his chest

"Victoria you don't know what you're saying"

"I think I do"

She was about to untie her robe but he blocked her wrists looking in her eyes "Let's make a compromise: first you eat something and then we see what we can do for your _craving_. Deal?"

She rolled her eyes "Okay deal"

Conrad had to pay a small fortune to find someone who cooked Victoria's breakfast at that time of the night but he succeeded personally wheeling the silver cart. He ordered her favorite: coffee, juice, fruits, yogurt and also strawberry pancakes in case she decided to indulge with something sweet.

As soon as Victoria saw the food she felt sick but it was predictable… too much alcohol too less food and then a deal was a deal. She nibbled at her fruits slowly drinking the juice under Conrad's vigilant eye, he stared at her without getting what was wrong with her, the whole day was so crazy and the cherry on the cake was her drinking herself to death in the middle of the night. It wasn't Victoria's style, she was always so controlled, at least outside the bedroom… he remembered the look on her face when she told me she didn't want anything from him but her eyes said something different.

"What are you thinking of?"

"You"

"Me?" she raised an eyebrow

"Yes, I'm worried about you"

"You shouldn't be, I'm fine, I'm just drunk" she giggled

"I wasn't referring to that"

"To what?"

"You tell me"

"What should I tell you?"

"You could start by telling me what it's going on. You're acting strangely drinking so much in the middle of the night…"  
>"I didn't call you to come here and give me a lecture"<p>

"It's not what I'm doing Victoria"

"Really?"

"Why did you call me? Because you wanted to be screwed?"

She bit her lip lowering her head

"Say something!" he yelled

"I called you because I want you to stay! I don't want you to fuck me, redress and disappear! I want you to love me again!"

Tears were streaming down her face when she realized what she just confessed, _fuck_!

"What did you just say?"

"I'm not going to repeat again"

Victoria stoop up from the table embarrassed but he stopped her, she tried to fight him but held her so tight until he felt her shaking and sobbing.

"Victoria, sweetheart…"

"Don't" she covered her face with the hands embarrassed

She had never wanted him to see her like this, she had never wanted him to know her deepest thoughts or wishes and the way he was holding her now – burying his head in her hair, kissing her head to comfort her – only made her cry more.

"Please let me go" she sobbed

"Not until you calm down" he kissed her temple "I'm here, I won't go anywhere and you need to finish your breakfast"

Victoria took a deep breath and brook his hug, she was scared of turning around and looking him in the eyes but she did and he brushed her tears away tenderly with his thumb smiling at her.

"You're beautiful even when you're crying"

She rolled her eyes in reply.

"Finally the wife I know" he laughed

She came back to the table finishing her breakfast then looked at him, she knew he wanted to talk but she didn't, she just wanted him. She took his hand leading him to the bed, he was about to protest when she hushed him with her finger

"Not now, please"

She kissed him coyly and he opened his mouth to grant her access. There was no hurry, no ripped clothes, no frenzied touches, Conrad wanted to take his time with her, to give her exactly what she needed… _love_. She untied her robe standing there naked for him, her dark curls covered her perfect breasts and even with red eyes she was the most gorgeous woman in the world. Victoria unbuttoned his shirt kissing every inch of bare skin reaching his belt, she felt him hard under her hand but had no intention to tease him or provoke him. Once he was completely naked she guided him on bed with her, she wanted him now, no foreplay but Conrad had a different idea: he had waited for a moment like that their whole marriage and he wouldn't have wasted for anything else in the world.

He kissed her lips, her jaw, nibbling her neck down to her collarbone, drawing circles on her abdomen while his mouth sucked her nipples, Victoria arched her back moaning, she needed this, she needed him. His skilled fingers was teasing her entrance, he knew she didn't want to wait from the way her hips bucked against his hand and yet he did want to prolong their intercourse as long as possible.

"Conrad please…"

There was something in her voice… it wasn't just about sex, there were so many silent requests in that plea and he seemed to read them all in her eyes. He entered her slowly savoring the moment, she looked so frail he was worried she could break underneath him but when her arms encircled his neck and she kissed him deeply making him forget all his concerns. Their lovemaking was slow and intense, he seemed to crawl in and out for her without stopping to touch and caress every inch of her skin, to mingle his tongue with hers.

For the first time in weeks there were no bantering or nasty remarks, no subtly challenges, no roughness and it was unbelievably amazing. He was completely lost in her and the moment they were sharing, she was perfect, perfect under every aspect, how could he not see that before? How could he take her for granted for all those years? How could he treat her like his property or just as a body as she accused him?

He hit her _soft_ spot and Victoria started shuddering and coming in his arms, he wanted to hold out but seeing her face contorting from pleasure and her loud moans he lost it spilling inside her.

He kissed her nose before pulling out and spooning her, Victoria didn't complain, she was exhausted and drunk, she only wanted to close her eyes and sleep. Conrad held her tight savoring the heat of her body against him, that special contact he usually wasn't allowed to have… who knew how many decades passed since the last time he had the chance to stay like this with his wife, he honestly couldn't remember.

Listening to her deep breathing, he kissed her head and whispered…

"I don't need to love you again, I never stopped"


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the long waiting but I'm having the writer's block lately and I'm not sure where this story is heading… so if you have suggestions I'll be glad to read them! Enjoy the chapter & review, thanks!**

When Victoria woke up she had the worst headache ever, an arm was encircling her waist and she turned around to see who was, she was shocked to see Conrad deeply asleep and at the same time grateful she didn't bring home some strang… and then all the happenings of the night came back to her mind: _Shit!_ She untangled herself from his hug and went to the bathroom to get a shower. She sat on the tile floor hoping he wouldn't have woken up because she had to think of a plan, of something to fix the mess she had made. Every time she closed her eyes she had flashbacks of what happened: her being drunk calling Conrad, him going to her suite, the breakfast, her confession and the making love… _fuck, fuck, fuck_! It was all wrong! He shouldn't have known what she thought about their relationship, what she wanted, she should have kept her damn mouth shut! The way he made love to her, not fucked, made her clear that he thought he'd have another chance with her but he wouldn't, she couldn't let him break her heart, not again: they weren't made for love, just for fuck. Tears slipped from her eyes and she brushed them away hastily, she knew what she had to do.

Conrad stirred extending his arm to look for Victoria but found the bed empty. He rubbed his eyes trying to adjust to the morning light, he raised from the bed calling her name but she didn't answer, she wasn't in the bathroom or in the living room either, she was gone. He came back to the bedroom and saw a note on her pillow.

_I'm sorry for last night, I shouldn't have called you. I don't remember anything that happened, I was too drunk… sorry again. _

_V._

Conrad's heart sank in his chest, she didn't remember anything… What she said to him, their lovemaking, everything was all a blur to her? When he opened his eyes he hoped to have her near, make love to her again and talking about starting anew but all his plans were gone. And he couldn't confront her about her confession, he knew she'd have denied so they were back at the origin, at meaningless fucks when they both wanted more. Where did she go? Why couldn't she stay? Deep down he knew the answer: she didn't want to face him, she wanted to be alone and that was her way to show him the door without even being there. Her absence spook volume.

He tried to call her but it went straight to the voicemail, another clear sign she didn't want any contact with him at the moment, Conrad sighed, she was so hard to get, no matter how much he tried he couldn't win with her, because Victoria was her own worst enemy, he had never seen someone fighting so hard against the things she wanted. He took a quick a shower and left, he couldn't stand to be there alone with the sheets that still smelled of them, she knew where to find him in case she needed something.

* * *

><p>Victoria was sitting in her car in a empty parking. Her phone buzzed but she declined the call sending to the voicemail, Conrad woke up, found the note and called to talk as predicted. She wasn't ready and maybe she wouldn't have never been, she just wanted to sit there in silence looking at the beach in the distance and forget about everything. She run away, she was aware of that, but what else could she do? He was in her suite, she had to go away, she couldn't bear to see the hurt on his face after breaking his heart… she was selfish, better his than hers. She sighed, she knew she couldn't keep hiding herself at the South Fork and what happened the previous night was a serious turn of events that maybe would have put an end to that sexual relationship neither of them managed to handle: like it or not she had to come back home.<p>

When Victoria came back to her suite she expected to find it empty as it was.  
>All traces of the previous night were gone, the food and the empty bottles, the bed was made and at first glance it was as if anything happened but she could still smell his cologne in the air, he was everywhere. She took his pillow and brought it to her nose inhaling that familiar and comforting scent, she wanted to be with him so badly but couldn't, she was well aware of what happened every time they tried to fix things.<br>It was time to go back home, her stay there proved to be useless and even more _compromising_ if it was even possible.

Arriving to Grayson Manor's driveway Victoria was relieved not to find his car there. She sent someone of the staff to collect her bags while she headed to her room, she missed her bed, her cupola, that was her place, her hiding place when she wanted to close the world outside.

"I didn't think you were back home"

Victoria jumped and turned around to face her husband

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you" Conrad said approaching her

"But you did" she replied bitter "Your car isn't on the driveway"

"So you thought I wasn't home…"

"I did"

"Did you want me _not_ to be home?"

"What you mean?" she asked playing dumb "You're free to be wherever you want"

Victoria didn't notice she backed away until her back hit the wall and he was on her

"Even _inside you_?" he whispered in her ear

Her legs trembled but she had to resist.

"I-I don't think so" she pushed him away

"Why? You're back home"

"So what? You can keep screwing me whenever you want?"

"You don't want anything else, do you?" he sneered

Victoria swallowed, he didn't believe a single word on her note.

"It doesn't matter what I want"

"It matters instead, especially because you are hiding it from yourself"

"I'm tired of your little stupid games so if you want to excuse me-"

"No, I don't want to excuse you. I want _you_"

"And I want a divorce!" she yelled

Conrad laughed "You don't, you're lying"

"I am not!"

"You are Victoria, do I need to remind you what you told me _last night_?" he whispered in her ear

"I-" she panted "I don't remember anything, I was drunk"

"That's your excuse because if it was true, you wouldn't have felt the need to run away like you always do when you're scared, when you get too close to me"

"You don't know anything, I-"

He shut her up kissing her passionately gripping her hair but she bit his lips pushing him away and slapping him. Conrad touched his stinging cheek shocked looking at her but a second after Victoria was on him again, her tongue forcing her way into his mouth, hands ripping his clothes to touch more skin, to feel him because no matter how toxic they were for each other that pull, that craving couldn't be stopped until it was satiated. As soon as clothes were discarded, he threw her on bed pinning her wrists above her head, his body towering over her while she opened her legs for him. He plunged into her swiftly and without giving her time to adjust to his size, he started pounding mercilessly.

"I didn't even touch you and you're so wet for me"

"Shut up"

"You want me as much as I want you" he hissed biting her earlobe

"Conrad…" she moaned planting her nails into his wrists

He groaned keeping his relentless rhythm and she wrapped her legs higher around his waist, her stilettos heels digging into his lower back only motivated him more. Every time she pushed his buttons, every time she _lied_ or insulted him, every time she denied him what was his he just wanted to grab her and fuck her roughly like he was doing now.

"Say it Victoria"

"What?" she panted eyes shut tight

"What you told me last night"

"I don't remember"

"I think you do" he grabbed her hips driving himself deeper and deeper inside her

"Oh… oh God"

"I'm not God even if I know you can easily mistake us" he chuckled

"Your… your ego is boundless, the _only_ big part you have"

"Really?" he sneered cruelly "Well my ego will make you feel how _big_ can be now"

He pulled out grabbing her and pushed her against the wall facing it, Victoria gasped but before she could complain he was inside her again. She closed her eyes moaning, she was standing there naked only with her heels on while his massive erection fucked her in the most delicious and amazing way: at the moment what her body wanted was more important than what her heart needed.

"Do you feel my _ego_, Victoria?"

"Yes… oh yes!"

"Good because I want you to remember it when you'll scream my name"

"Oh fuck"

"Exactly my plan" he laughed "And now back to our little subject…"

"Wh- what subject?"

"You know what subject: last night"

"Oh Conrad…"

Victoria started shuddering giving in to her pleasure and at that moment her legs buckled almost making her fall to the floor if Conrad didn't have such a strong grip on her, he held tightly against him moaning her name and emptying himself inside her. He slowly pulled out but before he could say something Victoria simply headed to the bathroom closing the door. It happened again: they fucked without clarifying their situation, without her admitting what she truly wanted, without him admitting that he wanted the same.  
>When she emerged from the bathroom she was wearing a robe with heels in her hand and he was redressing… the scene wasn't a new one.<p>

"Victoria I-"

"Please don't. You got what you wanted, you can go now"

"Stop doing this!" he yelled "I know you want more and I want it too!"

She gasped in shock, she didn't expect that and it scared her even more because that could mean only want thing: _he was still in love with her_.

Her gaze harden "Get out!"

"What if I don't?" he challenged her

She threw him one of her Jimmy Choo but he easily dodged

"So this is your way to throw me out?" he laughed before the other shoe hit his shoulder "Victoria?!"

"I told you to get out!" she yelled

"I won't and you don't have any shoe left to throw me"

"You're giving me headache!" she touched her temples in pain "Please go away!"

"Not until you admit it"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Perfect, we can stay here forever" he sat comfortable on bed looking at her

She groaned and locked herself in her dressing room. To her the conversation was over.


	7. Chapter 7

Conrad watched the door closing with a dumb expression on his face. He didn't expect that reaction from his wife: that she didn't want to talk yes, that she'd have locked herself in the dressing room for not to be in the same room with him no.

"Victoria you're being childish, open the door!" he banged the door

"Go away!"

"I won't go anywhere until we talk!"

"I've nothing to say to you"

"But I do and you're going to listen!"

He realized he could keep banging as much as he wanted but she wouldn't have opened anyway so he simply sat on the floor resting his back against the door.

"When we started having sex again and so frequently I didn't think about the consequences, I just wanted to enjoy it with you because we're having mind-blowing sex and you can't deny it but then… something changed"

Victoria swallowed biting her lip and looking at her reflection at the vanity's mirror. It was strange how only a closed door could make a conversation even more intimate and intense, she was grateful for that barrier between them because she wouldn't have been able to mask her feelings to him right now.

"Vic are you listening?"

"As if I had any other choice"

She was pretending to be bothered but it was the contrary, she was scared like ever before because that conversation was heading to an unavoidable direction and she didn't want to listen to him. She has been so idiot to lock herself in there, she should have pushed him out of her room with her own hands!

She heard him sigh from outside trying to find a more comfortable position on the hard floor, she closed her hands in fists to stop the shaking, she did have headache now and it was his fault!

"I don't want… I don't want just fuck you, I want more. I love you Victoria, I always have and I always will"

He said it. She pushed a hand against her mouth to stifle a sob, a tear slipped down her eye while she shook head… no, no, no, no!

"Please say something" the crack in his voice only made her cry more

"Leave me alone" she almost whispered

"I know you feel the same, I read it in your eyes last night. _In vino veritas_ Victoria, I don't need to tell you this"

He was right, he was damn right but she couldn't admit without deciding to be with him from that moment on and she couldn't, she couldn't let him use her until he got bored and sought the warmth of other women, the warmth she'd have never be able to give to him.

"I was just drunk and out of my mind, I didn't know what I was saying in fact I don't remember it"

"Stop faking for God's sake!" he yelled "The fact that I can't see your face doesn't mean I don't know when you lie to me!"

"Stop it!" a sob escaped her lips "Please stop"

"Are you crying?"

"I am not"

"You're lying again. Open the door!"

"Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I love you!"

"But I don't" she lied "I don't love you"

"If you really don't love me, tell me while you look me in the eyes"

"Will you leave me alone then?"

"I will for good"

She placed the hand on the doorknob but couldn't find the strength to move it. His words sunk in, he'd have left her for good… _for good_, it meant forever, it meant no more his smell, no more his hands on her, his kisses, no more sex, no more him. She had to do it- no, she couldn't, she couldn't, she… Victoria fell on her knees leaning against the door, the hand she kept pressing on her mouth muffled her sobs, she loved him so badly it hurt and she couldn't be with him but also could not be without him.

"Don't make me choose"

"You have to Victoria, you can't always get what you want, how you want and when you want. Do you love me or not?"

"Please…"

"Open the door and answer the question"

"I can't"

"Why?"

"Because I'm not ready to see you walk away"

"Is it for the sex?" he pushed trying to get the truth from her "I'm sure you'll find other _volunteers_ to keep you company"

"It's not about that"

"And what is it about then?"

"You know what it is"

"I want to hear you say it!"

"Why? Nothing's going to change"

"It has to instead because I can't do this anymore. It's not what I want, not with you"

Victoria realized she wasn't going to get what she wanted, he did want _more_ and he was determined to get it otherwise… she sighed and turned the doorknob, Conrad stood up from the floor and looked at her, she had red and puffy eyes, she cried like he imagined but she was beautiful anyway.

"I love you but I can't be with you, not again"

She turned around to close the door again but he stopped her.

"Why?"

"Let me go Conrad"

"No! You owe me an explanation"

She wiggled out of his grip "Don't you see? Every time we tried to fix our marriage things got only worse and in a blink you'll be running behind some other tramp"

"This time is different"

"It's never different! It's 26 years, it's never different!"

"We both made mistakes. I was too focused on the job, I let you alone and I cheated on you it's true but you didn't want me Victoria, you never loved me"

"So it's my fault now?"

"I said we **both** made mistakes. You're not a saint either dear, you fell in love with _your lover_ and had a daughter with him. Do I need to remind you that?"

"That's the reason why we can't be together. We're full of contempt, we can't get over the past and move on"

"We hurt each other deeply but I want to forget the past and start anew with you. I love you"

"Love is not enough"

"And what does it take then? I'm ready to do whatever you want Victoria, I want you back"

He seemed so desperate, there was so much honesty in his eyes, he wasn't faking. There was no game or hidden purpose, he wanted her: for the first time in their marriage he did want to make things work.

She didn't know how to answer to his question because instinctively she'd have said 'love' but love was exactly what he was offering her with his heart and himself but she still wasn't convinced. She was too scared, too hurt, because no matter how much she hated him, pushed him or made him pay during all these years he was still the one who could crush her like anyone else in the world, he still had that power over her.

"Victoria…" he whispered

"I can't simply jump in your arms and say _yes_. We need to take things slow and…"

"Whatever you want" he smiled "I-"

"Let me finish" she rolled her eyes "I'm not promising you anything Conrad, I want to be clear… I don't trust you and if you want me back you need to gain my trust again and it won't be easy"

"I know, I know how much I hurt you and I'll never forgive myself for that"

"Fidelity is important to me and you had never shown me you can keep it in your pants. I know I cheated too and it was wrong but if I'm making an effort to fix this relationship you can be sure I'll be faithful and I need to be sure it's the same for you"

"I want only you Victoria, I haven't been with anyone expect you since we started being intimate again"

Victoria raised an eyebrow suspicious

"I haven't slept with anyone else and I can give you proves if you don't believe me"

"Or make them disappear"

"If you're really making an effort for us, you're not doing it well…"

"You keep tabs on me, if I decided to cheat on you you'd know even before I started undressing myself… But I can't say the same about you"

"You don't get it, do you?" he placed his hand on the doorjamb looking in her eyes "If I had you, I mean for real, I'd have never cheated, never"

She swallowed "You had me"

"I didn't, I had your body when you allowed me but I never had you completely and if we're doing this I want all of you, heart, soul and mind"

"You'll have to earn them"

"You can be sure I'll doing everything in power to do it"

He brushed her cheek and she closed her eyes enjoying his touch, Conrad wrapped his arm around her tiny waist gently, they were so close now and he couldn't suppress a laugh.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked annoyed

"Because our conversation looked more a business transaction than other"

"We're both very good at getting what we want"

"Yes but I won this time"

"Are we keeping score?" she smirked

"Only of the times I make you smile"

She shook her head smiling and blushing

"You're so beautiful" he looked adoringly at her

"You're not so bad yourself Mr. Grayson" she smoothed the front of his jacket

He leaned forward making his intention clear before brushing his lips against hers and Victoria wrapped her hands around his neck kissing him softly, mingling their tongues together. She could feel him harden against her lower belly and smiled against his lips: she knew him so well but having such an immediate effect on him wasn't only a turn on, also a good stroke for her ego.

"I want you" he groaned, his mouth nibbling her neck

"Maybe you took this for granted too much _dear_" she smiled devilish pushing him away gently "Here's another thing you'll have to earn… my body"

"Victoria please…" he was begging

She looked down at the bulge of his pants "It's such a pity to waste _it_… but it's better this way. Considering it a tie_, _see you at dinner _dear_"

She kissed his cheek and closed the door behind herself smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Brief but intense chapter before another long week for work! I'll keep writing I promise. **

**Thanks for all your reviews guys, keep letting me know what you think! **

At the beginning Victoria was pleased about her little stunt but at night when she was alone in her bed she kept tossing and turning wanting him, she even tried to keep her legs closed hoping that tension would go away but it was useless. Conrad was sleeping two rooms away from hers but she couldn't go to him, not after rejecting him just few hours before and teasing him during the whole dinner… she was starting to understand how he must have felt: frustrated.

Before even realizing what she was doing, her hand slid across her abdomen brushing the silk of her short nightie and went down removing her panties quickly. Victoria closed her eyes thinking of Conrad's hands doing that, undressing her, brushing her skin slightly and then touching her properly, she moaned quietly sliding her finger inside herself and started thrusting it in and out, she added a second one moving faster and faster. Her breaths became shallow and ragged, her movements sloppy while she imagined his mouth tasting her, sucking her clit and bringing her to the orgasm, she panted his name over and over again until her body went limp.

"I can do better, you know that?"

"Conrad" she shrieked "You scared me!"

"You didn't look so scared few moments ago…" he wiggled his eyebrows

"Go away!"

"I don't think so. You were touching yourself thinking of me... Can you imagine what a turn on is it?"

Victoria blushed embarrassed, not only she masturbated but she also has been caught: that was beyond humiliating!

"Oh stop beating yourself! You were the sexiest thing I've ever seen or heard"

"You were spying on me!" she snapped

"I heard you moan and I thought something wrong so I came checking on you and I did like what I saw…"

"Stop it! It's not funny!"

"It totally is"

"What are you doing?" She asked when he climbed on bed

"Stopping this excruciating abstinence you put us through and making love to you"

"In your dreams"

"Do you have the courage to tell me you don't want it?" he asked playing with the hem of her nightie "That your hands felt like mine on you? That you weren't imagining it was me doing that to you?"

His hand sneaked under her nightie and Victoria moaned laying down.

"See baby? That's how it has to be"

"Oh Conrad..."

She arched her back pushing her hips against his hand and when Conrad curled his fingers touching that soft spot again and again she started tightened around him but... suddenly he stopped.

"Conrad?!" she screamed

"I was wondering if I should let you come... You know I've been hard all afternoon because of you and when I couldn't make it anymore, I had to jerk myself off Victoria"

The way he whispered her name almost made her come right there and imagining him pumping his erection with her name on his lips... Oh God!

He started moving his fingers again slowly "Are you thinking of me doing that, aren't you?"

"Yes... Oh yes"

"For the whole time I couldn't stop picturing your tight little mouth around me sucking and licking greedily"

"Conrad..." she was close again

"Come baby, come for me"

And Victoria complied simply surrendering to her pleasure. He kissed her head letting her rest for a moment and looked at her: her hair was sprawled on the pillow, her eyes shut trying to catch a breath and her nightie bundled up at her waist letting her bare.

"I want you so badly" he whispered in her ear positioning himself between her legs, their eyes met and she kissed him sweetly drawing him close to her until they became one.

"After what you did this afternoon my instinct would be to take you roughly but I won't because I want to make love to you exactly like I wanted few hours ago"

She caressed his face before kissing him again and he started moving in and out of her while his lips wandered everywhere on her perfect body, sucking and nibbling the hollow of her neck. Victoria fisted his hair keeping him tight against her while their tongues entwined sensually together, feeling him that way inside her, the sweet words he was whispering her between a kiss and another was amazing and touching: he was really making love to her. She had dreamt of this for so long, not only the passion but his love that had nothing to do with possessiveness, with meaningless fucks, he was choosing and embracing her exactly like she was.

Conrad grabbed her hips and sitting on his heels hoisted her up: her dark curls almost covered her face when she looked at him with so much love in her eyes that made him feel the most important man, the only one on Earth. It was just a fraction of second before he impaled her on him again and she tossed her head back closing her eyes and moaning loudly. He started thrusting again finding the angle to pleasure her most and it wasn't long before Victoria's moans were hushed by his loving kisses while she climaxed in his arms. Few deep thrusts and Conrad emptied himself inside her moaning…

"I love you Victoria… I love you"

He held her tight burying his head in her hair, he needed to preserve that moment, to freeze the world and stay like that with her, with the woman he loved more than anything. He was so scared of doing something wrong that could make her push him away, he didn't want to lose her, he couldn't, she was his everything. He kissed her shoulder, her neck and her mouth then he looked at her meeting her watery eyes.

"I love you" he repeated caressing her face

"Oh Conrad" she buried her head in the crook of his neck

She didn't want him to see her tears, her tears of _joy_ after a lifetime of pain, most of it inflicted by him. They hurt each other so deeply and she still wasn't convinced they could really fix their marriage, themselves, healing with love but she was sure of one thing: he made a first step that night.

They entangled from one another and laid down under the sheets, Conrad spooned her keeping her tiny frame against him, he kept caressing her and leaving sweet kisses on her bare skin and Victoria couldn't feel more grateful of his attentions, his sweetness and care.

"Don't let me down ever again" she whispered with cracked voice

"Never my love, never"


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm back with a new chapter! Enjoy & review, thanks!**

The next morning Victoria woke up feeling her husband hard against her rear, she looked at him but he was still asleep. She smiled devilish and started moving against his crotch eliciting a groan from him, Conrad shot his eyes open and blocked her hips.

"Victoria..." his deep sleepy voice sent chills down her spine

"Take me like this" she whispered

He lowered his pajamas pants and entered her slowly, Victoria tossed her head back against his shoulder moaning... he always felt so good inside her and it was a sensation she couldn't get enough of. His thrusts were slow, he was stretching her out in the most delicious way making her groans louder than usual.

"Oh Conrad... You are so hard"

"See? There are advantages in waking up next to me..."

"Mmhm yes"

As soon as his hand reached her clit massaging and pressing it she started shuddering and coming in his embrace.

"Oh Victoria... Victoria..." He moaned biting her shoulder when reached his peak

They both stayed like this without talking, just trying to catch a breath. He buried his hand in her hair, he always loved her smell, when she was in his arms anything bad could happen, they were together, they were in love.

"By the way good morning beautiful" he smiled

"Mmm good morning"

She kissed him and he pulled out letting her turn around so their lips met again in a series of languid kisses.

"How did you sleep?"

"Very good" she smiled "You?"

"Better than I did in a long time and you're still here, you didn't run away, it's a progress"

"I told you I wasn't going to run away. I'm giving us a chance but it doesn't mean I'm not scared"

"I don't want you to be" he brushed her cheek

"I know"

"But?"

"But what?"

"It seemed like you were saying something more but stopped"

"I don't want to ruin this moment" she lowered her gaze

"Okay let's change the subject... What do you want to do today?"

"I thought you were going to go playing golf or something"

"I want to be with you. I'm not saying we have to be Siamese twins from now on but I want to show that things are changing, that you come first than everything else"

"Okay"

"So first I want to spend the morning in bed with you"

"Who knows doing what, huh?" she chuckled

"Well if you don't want me we can simply talk or watch tv..."

She threw herself on him showing how much she _did_ want him.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Victoria and Conrad were still laying in bed cuddling. He was kissing and brushing her soft skin, happy to feel her so relaxed in his embrace: being able to touch her was a privilege to him, he hadn't been able to do it for so many years, even the smallest gesture made her stiffen and pull back.<p>

Victoria's head was resting on his chest and she was drawing circles on his abdomen slowly moving south... He groaned, that woman would have been the death of him!

"You're wearing me out" he chuckled

"I can stop..."

"Don't you dare"

She wrapped her tiny hand around his growing erection pumping until he stopped her pinning her wrists above her head and kissing her hungrily.

"I want to try something..." She panted

He smirked "What do you want to try?"

She blushed unsure if answering or not

"Don't be shy, it's just you and I. Come on baby, tell me what you want to try..."

She looked at him "Anal sex"

His member throbbed only hearing those words. He fantasized about that for years but never said to her: even at the beginning of their marriage he didn't have the courage to ask let alone after the David Clarke's fiasco. Victoria noticed how his blue eyes sparkled of something more than lust, she couldn't quite say what it was but she knew she got his full attention.

"Are... Are you sure?"

"I want to try but if it's too painful-"

"I promise I'll stop"

"Do we have..."

"Lube?"

"Yes that"

"I don't think so but we can use your body cream, it's the same"

"You're an expert..."

"Victoria…"

"Who did you do it with?"

"Don't do this"

"Answer me!" She snapped

"It was Lydia! Are you happy now?" He yelled

"I want to be alone now"

"Forget it! You said you were making an effort for us and-"

"And I'm doing it, I'm not kicking you out yelling and hitting you"

"Victoria try to be reasonable"

"Don't you get it?" Her voice cracked "It still hurts"

"I've never loved her"

"She was my best friend" she shook her head disgusted

"And I thought Charlotte was my daughter! You're not the only one hurt! You loved and conceived a baby with another man!"

"You can't stop holding it against me, can you?"

"It's you the one who can't stop! I want to move on but you kept digging up the past. I can't change it!"

"Neither can I!" She yelled on the verge of tears

He looked at her as if he knew he was losing her again "I do love you Victoria"

"I can't stop picturing you with her!" She put her hands on her face "I knew this was a mistake"

"It's not and you know it! We love each other, we could get through everything if you simply wanted"

"It's not that simple!"

"You're making it harder than it is!"

"So it's my fault?"

"God Victoria! Why do you always have to be so maddening?"

"You're right, I'm maddening, you can go finding someone else _easier_" she hissed

"I don't want someone else I want **you**! Stop fighting me so hard!"

He lost his temper grabbing her from the shoulders and shaking her. Victoria gasped in surprise then she wiggled out of his grip and starting hitting him on his chest with her little fists.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

She hit him over and over again until she started crying. Conrad hugged her tight kissing her hair in order to calm her down while she kept whispering _I hate you_ without really meaning it. Only at that moment he realized how much his affair with Lydia had hurt her, she felt betrayed two times: once from her husband and once from her best friend. _You could have had anyone and you knew she was my closest friend… are you physically incapable of taking responsibility for your actions? _Her words echoed in his mind and he held her tighter trying to soothe the pain he had caused, he'd have done everything to go back and change the past but he couldn't.

"I'm sorry Vic, I'm so sorry" he whispered

She brushed her tears away and detached from him "Maybe you're right, I can't move on. We can't be together"

"I don't care of what you say, I'm not giving up on you!"

"You're fighting a lost battle, you'll realize it sooner or later"

She closed the bathroom's door behind herself and he heard the water's noise… for the first time he didn't have the impulse to join her, he simply collected his clothes and left her bedroom.

Conrad couldn't quite understand how it was possible that a minute before they were talking about having anal sex and the minute after they were fighting and yelling at each other. Of course he knew _why_ it was just... He passed a hand through his hair in distress, he didn't want to leave Victoria but he was well aware when pushing her was too much and he crossed that limit. She needed time to cool down and then he could show her how true his words were: he did have no intention to give up on her and he had to find a way to earn her forgiveness.


	10. Chapter 10

The following days Victoria was very busy planning the charity ball she organized for New York Children Hospital ever year. The ball was just one of the many occasions to be in society and at the same raise funds for a good cause so everything had to be perfect and plan out.

When Victoria went down the stairs in her fire red taffeta gown matching her luscious lips Conrad's heart skipped a beat, she was a vision and he felt like an idiot unable to utter a word. They barely spoke since their fight and if she noticed him his tries to get her attention she was a very good actress because she didn't show it at all but at the moment the perfect façade of her was clouded by that sweet sad smile. She brushed his hand without mischievousness moving past him because even if she didn't want to admit it with herself she needed even a simply stolen touch from him. In a blink she was gone welcoming and greeting guests, micromanaging the staff, making sure everything was like it had to be.

Conrad watched his wife being the perfect host for half of the night and only when the band was playing "There's no one like you" he found the courage to stop her from running around worrying about the smallest details…

"Can I have a dance with my wife?"

"Con- "

He didn't wait for the answer, he simply took her in his arms swirling and twirling, she tensed up for the sudden imposition but then relaxed reciprocating the smile Conrad was making her.

"You're ravishing tonight my dear"

She rolled her eyes blushing

"Oh don't pretend I'm lying because I am not. Every man's gaze is on you, they can't stop staring at you, you're a vision"

She shook her head a little "Thank you Conrad"

"You know I've noticed you avoided me the past days and-"

"It's not the right moment to talk about this" she looked around irritated

"It's never the right moment with you" he said smiling sadly, resignation seeped into his voice

"Conrad please" she hissed

"Enjoy your night Victoria"

He broke their hug before the dance was finished and left her there. Victoria struggled between following or staying at the ball but at the end her legs moved against her will, she took the third Champagne glass of the night from the waiter and gulped it down before hurrying to get to him.

"Conrad stop!" she said before he could close his study's doors

"You have a ball to host, don't waste your precious time with me"

"Listen to me"

"You didn't want to talk to me few minutes ago, what changed?"

"I…" she felt dizzy, she knew that following him was a mistake

"You don't know, do you? Or maybe you do but it's so convenient not admitting it"

He sighed, that dance with Victoria was so tiring, he told he didn't want to give up on her but she made it so hard for him to stay true with his words.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out

"What?"

"You heard me"

"You're sorry for what exactly?"

"For… for everything"

She lowered her gaze playing with the embroidery of her gown, she looked like a child trying to get forgiveness for something wrong she did and he knew he couldn't stay mad at her when she had that expression on her face.

Their eyes met and passion exploded like fireworks. Their kisses grew hungrier and in the frenzy she moved back until she hit the desk, Conrad hiked her gown's skirt up and hoisted up her on it, she quickly unbuckled his belt and he entered her. Victoria instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist placing her hand behind herself for balance and Conrad grabbed her hips fucking her wild.

"Why do you always have to push me away Victoria?" he pounded into her "I'd do anything for you and you know that"

"Conrad…" she pleaded

She didn't want to hear him, he always managed to turn angry sex into a punishment hurting her with words more than with his gestures, with his cold thrusts that brought her body back to life but not her soul.

"When I told you I wanted more I meant it, I mean it because I love you, I do love you, I wouldn't want to love so much but I do"

"Please"

"No, you've to listen! You've to feel the same pain I feel every time you distance from me, every time you push me away making me feel as if I'm not worthy, as if I…"

She looked at him and saw his red and watery eyes, Victoria felt as if someone just tore her soul apart and the pain – the pain he was talking about – just invaded her.

"Why do you always have to do this to me?"

His voice cracked and a tear slid down her cheek, few thrusts he emptied himself into her. Victoria didn't reach her climax but that wasn't even the last of her thoughts… _she broke him_. She tested his endurance for years thinking he'd have always been there for her no matter what, not caring about his feelings or the impact her actions could have on him because she was so self-centered, so focused on her pain, on her wounds that anything else existed: after 26 years Conrad's wax mask started melting and for the first time she saw what there was underneath. He pulled out and after fixing his pants he handed her a tissue.

"I wouldn't want you to dirt your designer gown because of me"

She silently accepted it cleaning herself the best she could and an icy silence fell in the room. What he told her during the intercourse and the way he did was so excruciating and she was feeling so dirty cleaning herself to go back to her party when things between them were at that point.

"Conrad I…"

"Your guests are waiting, I'd never hold you back"

"It's not like that"

"Then how is it?"

"I apologized"

"For everything?" he mocked her voice "Everything and nothing! You make a step towards me and three back and it is and will always be like this! Then we have sex and get along until the next time when you decide you've something to make me pay for!"

"Conrad…"

"No! I told you I wasn't going to give up on you but if you don't want me this is really a lost battle"

Her lip quivered but she tried to stay strong, she couldn't show weakness, not in a crucial moment like that

"Do what you think it's best for you"

"_Do what you think it's best for you_?" he repeated angry "Who the hell are you? Do I mean so little to you?"

"I just want you to be happy"

"I wanted to be happy with **you**!"  
>"<em>Wanted<em>?" her voice trembled at the realization of what his words meant

"I don't know if I still want it because I don't think you really want _me. _I don't thinkyou're really capable to committo this relationship, to accept me for the man I am even if I'm not perfect"

_Victoria, darling where are you? _They heard someone calling her from outside

"Go, your guests need you"

"Conrad…"

"I told you to go!" he yelled

She almost jumped at his yell but he didn't care, he went pouring a glass of scotch ignoring her presence and looking outside the window. Victoria sighed and turned around leaving the room and her husband behind herself: if that was a war they were both losing.

* * *

><p>When the ball ended and the guests left, Victoria came back to her room breathing again for the first time after the sex and the fight with her husband. She had to shut her emotions out and pretended to be as normal as possible to entertain her guests but her thoughts kept drifting to Conrad... She left him drinking scotch and looking outside the window hurt and lost. Did she really do that to him? She felt so bad about it. She unzipped her beautiful gown and put it back in her dressing room before wearing a satin black robe on her lingerie, then she took a deep breath and headed to his room.<p>

"What are you doing here Victoria?" His gruff voice welcomed her

In the dim-light she could see him laying on the sheets completely dressed, his blue eyes bored into her.

"We need to talk"

His throaty laugh startled her "Since when _the_ _Great_ Victoria Grayson wants to talk?"

"Since now"

He turned on the bedside lamp looking her down on

"Your choice of clothing or the _lack of them_ is very interesting..."

"I'm not here to seduce you"

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?"

She casted him one of her famous glances.

"Oh your glance doesn't scare me dear, you can't hurt me more than what you have already done all these years"

She stared at him, his eyes were red and haunted, his hair were disheveled, his shirt was open and out of his pants and he was holding the scotch bottle in a firm grip.

"Conrad listen..."

"What? What can you possible want to say more? That you're sorry? That you didn't mean every word you said or your rejections? That you didn't want to make me feel unwanted and useless and-"

"I love you!" She yelled shutting him up

He looked at her dumbfounded and she said again "I love you and I'm sorry. I pushed you too much, all these years I took you for granted as if you owed me your love because of the pain you caused me. I never gave you the opportunity to make amend, I never accepted your apologies and honestly I don't know why you should accept mine-"  
>"Victoria…"<p>

"No let me finish before my courage will fade. What I want to tell you is…" she bit her lip playing with her robe's tie "It was never easy between us, maybe at the beginning of our marriage but then… I… I don't want to lose you. You were right, we both made mistakes and I keep making them, because I'm letting my fear and my jealousy towards ghosts of the past ruin my present and my future. Maybe it's the Champagne talking making all the speech coming out so easy but you're important to me even if I'm very good at showing the contrary"

Conrad stared at her without saying anything and after few awkward moments Victoria whispered "Please say something"

He stayed silent looking at her with so sad eyes, Victoria took it as a sign of rejection and turned around to leave. He didn't stop her because he wanted her to feel like he felt all those years, he was drunk, furious and disgusted by her, by _them two_… her speech was beautiful but it was empty to him, words without facts meant nothing even if he was well aware how much it cost her to tell them out loud. Victoria was so proud, so closed in herself and he was sure Champagne helped her or she wouldn't have been there in the middle of the night talking about her feelings, showing her heart to him. It was a sadist way to punish her, to get even and it was wrong but he couldn't help himself: sometimes Victoria was a like puppy, she needed to learn things in the worst possible way otherwise she kept falling into the same patterns always making the same mistakes. He gulped down what was left of the scotch then laid down and closed his eyes falling into dreamless sleep.

**FYI: The song Victoria and Conrad were dancing is by Mario Biondi and it's wonderful!**


	11. Chapter 11

Victoria sat on her bed unable to work out how she feeling, she looked down wringing her hands while silent tears were lining her cheeks melting her make-up.

_He pushed her away_. For the first time he did push her away without a second thought and she felt the sting of being in his shoes, of being treated exactly like she had treated him for years and years. She was so used to be irreplaceable, to be needed and wanted, to be the beginning and the end for him and she ruined it, his undying love was nothing more than a memory laying at the bottom of a scotch bottle now.

Victoria sobbed brushing the tears away harshly with her hand's palm, she wanted to slap herself because she has been so blind, so stupid, she had always underestimated him: his love for her, his deep certainty about his feelings, his determination and that tireless way of his to show her constantly how much she meant to him. She screwed everything up!

She went to the bathroom to remove her ruined make-up and almost didn't find the courage to look at herself in the mirror, seeing the pain she was feeling reflected in her eyes was too much, made everything real when she was doing all she could to avoid facing the reality. Her husband was done with her and she had never thought she'd have seen that day but she was living it now and it was worse than hell.

Victoria opened the sleeping pills bottle and swallowed some of them, she desperately needed to sleep and forget that what happened so went to bed and closed her eyes trying to erase his broken expression from her mind.

* * *

><p>Conrad was woken up by Victoria's screams and broke into her bedroom seeing her tossing and turning in her sleep, screaming incoherent sentences so sat on bed shaking her slowly…<p>

"Victoria wake up, wake up dear"

She shot her eyes open and when brought him to focus she started crying.

"Victoria it's okay, it was just a nightmare" he tried to calm her down

"It's not, it's reality"

And he got she was referring to _them_, to their situation, she stifled a sob starting to shake.

"Victoria..."

"No I deserve it! I deserve your rejection, your hatred-"

"Do you really think I could ever hate you?"

"I don't know if you could but if you did, I'd understand. I'm a horrible person, look what I did to you!"

"You're not a horrible person"

He opened his arms and she buried herself in his embrace crying.

"I dreamt of you being gone, I kept calling your name but you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore"

"Oh baby"

"Don't leave me" she sobbed "Please"

"Of course I don't leave you" he kissed her head "I'm not going anywhere"

Victoria kept her eyes closed enjoying the warm of his body surrounding her, his naked chest against her cheek - because he was still dressed or _not well dressed_ like she saw him few hours before - she wanted to feel him, she needed to feel him. She raised her head breaking his hug and kissed him passionately pushing the shirt off his shoulders.

"I need you"

She forced him to lay down and she quickly worked on his belt undressing him of his pants and boxer. As soon as he was naked at her mercy, she went down on him: her tongue licked his semi erect member from the base to the tip taking him in her mouth and pumping him with her hand.

"Victoria I'm too drunk, I won't last long…" he groaned

"I don't care, I need you inside me"

She removed her nightie and positioned herself engulfing him in her wet heat, they both moaned and Victoria placed her hands on his chest for balance while Conrad's went one on her thigh - driving himself deeper inside her - and the other on her clit drawing tight circles on it.

She started riding him eagerly because she needed to erase their horrible fight and the nightmare from her memory, she needed to feel him, to know they were okay and sex had always been the only way, some kind of soul and heart's placebo: if he was there making love to her, there was hope.

"Victoria…" he groaned "I'm close…"

She didn't care if she wasn't going to climax, that intercourse was not for pleasure, at least not hers, it was for healing her fear, their rift, their broken hearts. Victoria felt his orgasm approaching and he pushed on her clit harder triggering hers, she kept riding him until both their bodies went limp and she collapsed on his chest. They stayed like that still being one catching that breath that was like new air and she hoped a new chance… Victoria kissed his chest on his heart that was beating erratically and he wrapped his arms around her brushing her forehead with his lips.

"Are you okay?"

"I am now"

"What does _this_ mean, Victoria?"

Victoria raised from his chest to look him in the eyes "_This_?"

"What just happened between us"

"We made love"

"I know, I'm asking you what it means in terms of our relationship"

She sighed "It means I want to be with you and I know it won't be easy because I'm not easiest person-"

"That was one hell of understatement" he chuckled

Victoria glared at him but he didn't feel intimidated, on the contrary it was quite comical the fact she was still naked and he was still inside her when she was getting mad at him. He couldn't prevent himself from laughing, at the beginning she tried to stay serious but couldn't and started laughing too.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're funny, we are funny. I mean, look at us talking about serious matters in _this position_…"

"You're right" she chuckled and climbed off him

"Hey, I didn't mean for you to do that!"

"You always accuse me I don't want to talk well I'm doing now" she said slipping on her nightie

"Fine. What were you saying?"

"Before you rudely interrupted me I was saying I'm not the easiest person but…" she bit her lip wringing her hands nervously "I need you, I don't wanna lose you"

"You won't" he took her hands in his and kissed them

"How do you know? If I push you too much, if…"

"There's no _if_, I want to be with you since the first moment I saw in that art gallery, it's you who has to give us a _real_ chance Victoria, not the other way around"

"You're right" she whispered

"What did you just say?" he joked "Did I hear you correctly?"

"Oh stop it!" she slapped him on his forearm laughing "I'm drunk too you know"

"Yeah maybe that's the reason why you admitted I'm right"

She tried to slap him again but he blocked her wrist and kissed her, her arms automatically wrapped around his neck deepening the kiss.

"We should get some sleep, we both had a long day" he said kissing her nose

"Okay"

They set under the covers and she snuggled up to his chest feeling her fear slowly disappear, her husband was there in bed with her and everything was going to be fine, it had to be fine.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning: Very M-rated chapter including anal sex! Please review, I want to know your opinion about it!**

When Conrad woke up he found himself spooning Victoria. They didn't fall asleep in that position and it was incredible how they could fit like that in their sleep, he smiled and gently kissed her shoulder before leaving the bed. Victoria sensed his body missing against her and woke up…

"Where are you going?" she asked with her sleepy voice

"Good morning sleeping beauty, I was going to make you breakfast"

"Noo come back to bed"

He smiled coming back under the covers and hugging her, their lips brushed in a sweet kiss

"I didn't want to wake you"

"I sensed that you were leaving"

"How?"

"I don't know, I just did, I always do"

And he got that she was meaning so much more with that sentence.

"Are you sure you don't want breakfast? You loved my pancakes…"

"I still love them even if I don't eat since almost 30 years but I had something else in mind"

"Mmm I'm curious to know what it is"

"Do you remember what I suggested few days ago...?"

"I do" he swallowed

"Go taking the cream" she smiled

"Wait"

She frowned when he left the room to reappear few moments after with a pink shopping bag.

"What's this?"

"Gifts" he smirked

She opened the bag and gasped "When...?"

"The day after you suggested it"

"But we didn't even talk to each other"

"A man can dream Victoria" he smiled and she started laughing

"Let's see what's inside"

She took out the first package

"Lube"

Then another one

"Condoms"

"I think it's better if we use them" he explained

"Okay"

She smiled knowing how much he hated condoms, he had never used them even she was still his mistress and that was why it was so easy fooling him into thinking she was pregnant. If he proposed to use a condom he did for her and it was such a sweet thought.

"Conrad!" She yelled "You bought me a vibrator!"

"It's _not_ a vibrator, it's a rabbit dear so when I'm having fun with your behind I'll have your own fun"

"I thought…"

"This is better"

She looked at the pink vibrator with curiosity and shyness at the same time

"It won't bite you, just make you come"

"Conrad!" she said indignant

"You're gonna love it!"

He placed a condom on the bed with the lube and the vibrator then looked at Victoria

"Are you nervous?"

She bit her lip "A bit"

"We don't have to do it if you don't want"

"I want"

He tore open the condom wrapper but she took it from his hands

"Let me"

She looked at him seductively while rolling it down his length... He had never thought just a normal gesture like that could be so sexy but she was Victoria and the word "sexy" couldn't even begin to describe how she was.

"Done"

She smiled wickedly and he captured her lips devouring her, his hands roamed over her already naked body: if he didn't restrain himself he'd have just made love to her again and forget their _little plan_.

"Get on all fours"

His voice and the way he said it almost made her come right now, Victoria bit her lip and complied. She was nervous, she knew it'd have hurt she just hoped it was something she could take. Conrad leaned on her kissing and tracing each bone of her spine... Goosebumps appeared on her skin, it was so arousing thinking about what he was about to do. He took the dildo putting some lube on it and passed it on her clit while his mouth was still roaming on her body creating a wonderful sensation, Victoria moaned loudly closing her eyes when he entered her with the rabbit moving it slowly. Conrad increased the vibration's speed and his movements magnifying her pleasure then put the lube on his shaft to prepare himself.

"Victoria… if it's too much you've to tell me and I'll stop"

"Okay"

He slowly entered only with the tip and Victoria winced in pain.

"Relax baby"

"I'm trying" she hissed

"Do you... Do you want me to stop?"

"No"

He slid few inches in stretching her out

"How much are you in?"

"Half of it"

"Shit!"

"Victoria I..."

"Shhhh"

She closed her eyes trying to relax and when Conrad started moving the dildo again the task became easier.

Victoria never thought it could be so pleasant using a vibrator, the warm in her belly spread all over her body and he was able to enter her fully.

"Oh God!" she moaned

"Fuck Victoria" he groaned closing his eyes and moving slowly in sync with the vibrator. She was so tight and the pleasure was increased from the dildo he could feel moving: it was amazing and he was already so close...

"Touch yourself baby" he panted "Do it now"

Victoria's hand sneaked between her legs pressing on her clit hard while his thrusts became faster and they both came screaming each other's name. Conrad slowly pulled himself and the dildo out of her and Victoria collapsed on the mattress exhausted, he got rid of the condom and came back to her kissing her head.

"Thank you baby, it was mind-blowing"

"Oh yes" she smiled satisfied

"I love that satisfied smug look on your face" he claimed her lips

"Don't be so cocky dear, that dildo was... Almost better than you"

"It's confiscated then! You'll never use it again" he joked

"Hey it's mine, it's a gift! You can't take it back"

"Yes I can if you prefer that damn thing to me!"

"It's _that damn thing_ now? Not _the rabbit you're gonna love it_?" She chuckled

"I wasn't hoping to be so right"

He pretended to be hurt pouting like a child and she thought she could have never adored him more: he was jealous of a dildo!

"Come here you silly!" She took his face in her hands "There will never be something I love more than what I find in your boxer"

"Mmm I'm still not convinced, try again"

She kissed his lips passionately straddling him and feeling him growing underneath her, her thighs kept pressing and rubbing against his.

"You can do bet-"

His sentence was cut when she lowered on him taking his shaft inside her in one swift motion, she sucked his earlobe…

"What about now?" she purred

"God Victoria"

"Exactly what I thought"

And after that it was just oblivion.


	13. Chapter 13

Afterwards Conrad did make breakfast and brought it to bed to Victoria. It warmed up his heart seeing her smile so genuinely, she was so loving towards him, cuddly and even needy, it was as if she didn't want to let him go even for making breakfast… he wasn't used to it but he was enjoying it particularly eating with her seated between his legs so that he could hug and kiss her as much as he wanted.

"You still love my pancakes" he chuckled

"I do but you know I shouldn't eat them, too many calories"

"I know a great way to make you burn them…" he whispered and bit her earlobe

Victoria closed her eyes leaning against him, _that man_… how could she resist him?

"Do you want to kill me with _too many_ orgasms?" she panted

"I wouldn't dream of it"

She turned her head to kiss his lips, his arms were wrapped around her waist.

"You're so tiny, sometimes I'm worried I could break you"

"You _could_… just don't do it, please"

And it was clear they were referring to different things… he caressed her cheek looking in her eyes

"I won't, I love you"

"I love you too"

She snuggled against his chest inhaling his scent, his own mixed with the smell of sex, of _them_ that was easily becoming her favorite; Conrad held her tight caressing her hair like he knew she liked and it relaxed her: it was one of rare moments of intimacy without sex, of love without fights, of deep feelings without words.

"Tomorrow night there's Prosser's party"

"I didn't think you wanted to go"

"I want to go with you, I want everybody to see how happy we are. We don't need to pretend anymore"

"Yes, we don't and I'm relieved about it"

"I know, I know how much you hated... Everything, _me_"

"Conrad..."

"It's okay, it's in the past" he kissed her "Do you want to go shopping for your dress?"

"I didn't think I'd have ever said this but you know how to make a woman happy"

"_This_ woman happy"

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"For being like you are to me now, you're amazing"

* * *

><p>During the car trip to New York Victoria was in her husband's arms, after the previous night the two of them seemed inseparable... she really got scared of losing him for good and now she wanted to keep him as close as she could.<p>

"I can't believe you're really going shopping with me" she chuckled

"This is what every crazy in love man would do"

"You're not like every man"

"And you're not like every woman"

They smiled at each other and the car stopped

"We arrived"

He climbed out of the car opening the door for her and the usual noises of traffic and honks of 5th Avenue invaded them just a moment before they stepped into Bergdorf Goodman. Victoria followed by her husband headed directly to the woman's floor wandering around in search of the perfect dress: she knew it was a new beginning for them, showing at that party where all their friends would have been present was important to him and she wanted to be impeccable. He stayed a little behind watching her perfect body moving gracefully around the store, she was beautiful and he was the lucky man she was in love with, Conrad smiled like an idiot, he'd have given her the world if she just asked, no regret.

Victoria asked the sales assistant for help and the girl immediately led her to long gowns department. They invited Conrad to take a seat on a comfortable red armchair while he waited for Victoria to show each option she selected: to him she was always gorgeous no matter what she had on and it was funny that she got irritated because he couldn't express a preference.

The last dress she tried was a Carolina Herrera royal blue silk faille gown that draped from strapless sweetheart neck to dramatic floor-sweeping hem, with the bow that artfully underlined the waist. When she saw the speechless expression on her husband's face Victoria knew she found the perfect dress and easily matched it with gold sandals and clutch.

When they left the store Conrad suggested to have dinner in the city instead of going back to the Hamptons soon and let Victoria pick the restaurant. He expected her to choose _Le Bernardin_, her favorite French restaurant but his wife surprised him signaling the driver to head to _The View: _the name already spoke for itself, the restaurant had one of the most breathtaking skyscraper views of the city on the 48th floor of Marriott Marquis Hotel. As soon as they arrived they have been escorted to a table near the windows and the waiter gave them the menus, they ordered falling into an easy conversation. After so many years of bantering, nasty remarks and hatred talking so easily, sharing some quality time together was strangely odd for them, Victoria was looking at him, focusing on the movements of his lips she couldn't avoid to imagine on her skin and she realized he was still the same charming, funny and sweet man she met in that art gallery but at that time she couldn't love him, she still wasn't over the passion and the love for Dominik.

It was different now she thought enjoying her salmon filet, he was really committed to their relationship, he did want it, he did want _her_ and it wasn't something she considered assumed, not anymore.

She had never thought to fall so hard for her own husband after 26 years of marriage, after all they had been through and there she was, looking at him as if he was the sun, the moon and the stars. She smiled to herself and looked outside…

"Wow, the view is amazing from here" she said

"You are amazing"

She chuckled shaking her head

"And you're blushing, I love that"

She took his hand entwining her fingers with his on the table

"Thank you"

"You know I didn't expect you to pick this restaurant"

"I wanted to change and we have never been here"

He brought her hand to lips and kissed it gently "And we're having a really good evening"

"It was a good idea staying in the city for dinner, sometimes we need a break from the Hamptons"

"I agree"

Victoria finished her meal sipping her wine, she felt relaxed, at ease and it was something it didn't happen with her husband around since… almost an eternity. There had always been a sort of challenge with him, who said the wittiest remark, who showed the greatest contempt, who hurt the other the most and it was tiring, painful and left her hollow and sad. His deep voice distracted her from her thoughts…

"God you're so beautiful…" he groaned "I can't wait anymore, come on"

He stood up grabbing her hand

"Wait, where are we going?"

"I booked a room here, I knew I wouldn't have been able to wait to get home…"

"Are we going to spend the night here?" she grinned

"Yes, if you want"

"I want _you_"

They almost couldn't keep the hands off each other descending to their floor with the elevator, his mouth was everywhere while they were stumbling to reach the room and hardly trying to put the key into the keyhole. When he finally did it, he closed the door behind them with a kick claiming her lips again, his hands fumbled to unzip her dress and after some tries he succeeded stripping her of the offended item. He took a moment to drink her in with her red lace set – the one she knew he liked it – with her stilettos still on and her beloved pearls brushing her cleavage. The room was still dark, only the lights of the city showed him how gorgeous his wife was, sexy and wild and he had to have her soon. His firm body collided with her tiny frame in the frenzy forcing her backwards until her back hit the glass wall, Victoria whimpered pushing her hands into his hair, urging his mouth on her neck to go south.

"Turn around" he whispered

And as if he touched a place inside her she almost lost her mind, she complied knowing putting her hands against the glass turned on like she had never been before. He moved her hair aside brushing his lips her neck down to her spine cupping her breasts through the bra, teasing her nipples while Victoria's behind moved against his crotch.

"Victoria…" he panted blocking her hips "Stop or I'll take you right now"

"It's exactly what I want"

"Rough and fast?" he growled

"Yes…"

"Your wish is my command"

He unbuckled his pants dropping them to the floor with his boxers and she expected him to plunge into her soon instead he pushed her underwear aside entering her with a finger, then two…

"I'm ready Conrad, I'm ready"

"We're eager…" he chuckled

"Take me"

He tore her thong apart and shoved himself into her grabbing her hips to force her against him with each thrusts, Victoria moaned loudly, it was what she wanted since the moment he told her he booked a room because he couldn't wait to have her. His desire was so intoxicating, being wanted by him that way was a drug that only magnified her lust for him, for having him buried deep inside her, for feeling him come with her name on his lips. She was desperate for that man, for his body, for his pleasure.

"You feel so good baby…" he whispered in her ear "So good I would never want to stop"

"Don't ever stop" she panted, eyes closed feeling every inch of him going in and out

"Look outside, the city's at our feet and we are here doing this like there was no tomorrow"

"Conrad…"

One of his hand moved from her thighs to her breast cupping it, teasing her nipple while he left open-mouthed kisses on her back

"You're so soft, so tender and so fucking sexy… God Victoria!"

The wine running through her veins made her wild, her hips pushing harder against him while she turned around looking for his hungry mouth. He was so deep inside her as he had never been before and it was blowing her mind, sex with her husband just got better and better but at the moment she thought she could lose her mind for the intensity for her own orgasm: her legs wobbled and wearing her killer heels looked almost impossible now. Conrad pulled out and carried her to bed where he finished what they started but slow and gentle that time, he never stopped looking her in the eyes while he brought her to the second orgasm, letting himself go with her.

New York's lights were enlightening Victoria's smiling and satisfied face, Conrad kissed her feeling to fall in love with her all over again.


End file.
